How do you learn to love the way you look?

[char]

I've been having a battle with the mirror lately. I know I"m aging, I know have scars, sagging, veins, sports and wrinkles and other things I don't like that aren't ever going away and honestly it's really depressing me now. I don't know what to do about it. I know it's vanity and I shouldn't care, but I do. How do I learn to love my body for what it is and stop comparing it to what it used to look like or to someone else's I admire? I'm 45 and I feel like such a stupid teenager right now... :(

[Penny]

Hmmm that's a tough one. It's all a matter of perception...and your perception, as you know. I'm sorry you feel like you do Char. I'm not saying this will work (especially all the time) but sometimes when I get down about the way I look I remind myself that I have my health and that makes a difference. I'd far rather be healthy and be able to enjoy life and experiences than be pretty. I also find the older I get the less I stop comparing myself to how others look. I hope this will happen for you, too. :)

[bruceH]

It's about figuring out how to ignore what everyone else says and seeing yourself through different eyes. I always think, if I wouldn't criticize someone else for it, why would I criticize myself for it? I'd also recommend getting rid of anything that you're still hanging on to that you're hoping to one day fit in or wear again. Be happy and accept that you go to enjoy it once but it's time to let it go and move forward. That's why life is. It's about loving and being happy in the hear and now, not wishing you could have the past back or worrying that you'll never be like you once were. Embrace who you are now and be grateful for what you do have. If you're too obsessed about the way you look, chances are that you might need to find something else in your life that is a better use of your time and is meaningful. Maybe this might mean trying a new hobby, volunteering or doing something else that makes you feel good about yourself and that helps you see your value as a person beyond the way you look.

[ffviifan]

You just need to focus on something other than the way you look. There's more to life than how you look or how other people think you look. Find something that you really enjoy doing and that matters to you and place your focus on this. Over time, you will start to pay more attention to what makes you feel good and what doesn't.

[speeddemon]

I have to agree. It's all about finding something more important to care about and possibly hanging around other people who are also not hung up on looks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good, but in terms of priorities and your care meter, it should be pretty low on the list.

[chefmel]

How are you doing char ? Are you feeling any better? I know what it's like to get down on yourself about that and it's hard sometimes. I hope you do find something that you can care about more or that this phase passes and you focus on other stuff that makes you happy :)

[char]

How are you doing char ? Are you feeling any better? I know what it's like to get down on yourself about that and it's hard sometimes. I hope you do find something that you can care about more or that this phase passes and you focus on other stuff that makes you happy :)

Thanks for inquiring chefmel :) I am actually feeling a bit better. I had a giant sulk about it and then what Penny said really kinda sunk in. At the end of the day, it's far more important to me to be healthy to be able to enjoy my life than it is to look good. It's not beauty that makes it possible for me to go places and do things and live the life I want, its my health. Thanks for the awesome reality check! I hope it stays with me for life!

[Penny]

Really glad to hear that char! It does help. I still get sad when I feel my looks are dwindling but the health thing really is all that matters. When you see someone else struggling to move or who can't eat a variety of foods, it's a real eye-opener. We take so much of our health for granted sometimes it so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture.